Magic words of conference illusionists THIS YEAR'S Party Conferences have been like a cavalcade of corny magicians auditioning for their own TV series. Each Party has developed its own abracadabra of chit chat in an effort to divert away from the crude manipulation that forms the essence of each trick.
Most miserable failure by far this year was ubdoubtedly the disastrous attempt by Dr David "Kaligari" Owen and his lovely assistant David Steel to saw the Alliance in half over defence policy: the first - dismembering - part of the trick went fine, but the finale wound up a limb or two short of a full set, leaving David Steel with fingers in both ears but without a leg to stand on.
Labour's Blackpool spectacular on the other hand cetainly laid on every conceivable stunt and trick. A slick leadership presentation included disappearing debates (skillfully concealed by "Playschool" or after cameras were switched off; and policies vanishing before our very eyes I"'renationalisation - what renationalisation?")
We saaw the amazing talking dogs (the LCC gamely echoing Their Master's Voice) and Neil Kinnock producing bunches of flowers from everywhere. He even plucked a live — if rather scrawny and sicklooking - unilateralist dove from behind the ear of Dennis Healey, to everyone's surprise, including Healey himself.
There was comedy too, with Roy Hattersley's economic tribute to Tommy Cooper, explaining how he would control currency speculators ("'Just like that!") with a few generous tax incentives, to the amusement of all concerned - not least the speculators.
Master illusionist Kinock appeared in quick-change disguises as internationalist, nationalist and crusader for gay rights and women's liberation: the audience could only applaud the man's versatility.
A longer-term trick was also set in motion: a 30-year vanishing act for the nuclear power industry, which is Labour's new bid for the slowest-acting reformist measure ever proposed.
The Blackpool audience - except for the tew left wing sceptics around Briefing, SV, and the hard left who saw behind the scenes - seemed to lap it up: but
TV viewers and electors will register their views in due course.
The magic on offer at the Tories' Bournemouth bluerinse extravaganza was of a far more primitive, ritualistic type - with much sticking of pins and knives into effigies.
But there was some more sophisticated stuff too, with Edwina Currie's hamburger eating act, and brilliant "now you see it, now you don't" routines in which the fleeting illusion of compassion, improved Socialist Viewpoint No. 14 November-December 1986 pl
Tory leaders struggle to silence Edwina Currie In Bournemouth
education, and economic stability was dispelled into thin air within seconds. Norman Fowler did his little turn, with a long printout of a improvements (some reprinted ten times to fill out the length required). It was not so much "Hey presto" 'Where' a Hayhoe?'
What went down best were the "Banco Booth" sessions in which volunteers from the laughing audience had their pockets stuffed with fivers by ministers turning state industries and public services into profit-making private monopolies.
Tories always lay on a good oldstools, the rack, and the stake on hand to help whip up a frency against the Labour hate-figures of the hour.
But this year in particular the cursing routine was coupled with ritual obeisance to the supreme totem nuclear weapons and the NATO alliance - which they
Tenable them to dispel the dark force Labour and the Alliance, and win a miraculous third
Behind the razzamatazz and "jokes" from Norman "You'll like this - not a lot... " Tebbit was a desperate search for the alchemists' might enable a reactionary government - with the right incantations from a sympathetic press - to turn a disastrous economic plight and an unpopular Prime Minster into a solid gold electoral victory.
As the first few hospital th sorely divided Alliance. which relies on reforming complete with ducking socialist alternative. juggernaut or lead It remains while it prepares Philosopher's Stone that demands government. made by Kinnock air.. before your very eyes! Socialist Viewpoint No. 14 November-December 1986 p2
signs of audience reponse were measured, it appeared that the old fashioned Tory apeals to prejudice and greed had stood them in better stead with the punters than Kinnock's skin-deep radicalism and right wing patter. Labour's rating in the opinion polls stood still, while the Tories gained from
While the galloping economic crisis continues to undermine Chancellor Lawson's breezy act, it also underlines the contradictions of a Labour platform
Othe present crumbling system rather than looking to replace it with any
Thatcher's chances of securing a devastating third term of office cannot be written off: there is a real danger that Kinock's bid to hold the middle of the road could see Labour's hopes crushed by a Thatcher
Wto the morass of a "hung" Parliament in which the Owen-Steel roadshow would gain disproportionate influence.
urgent that the labour movement maintain the fight against Thatcher on every front,
Wto defend itself and press under a possible Labour coalition
If this is not done, then even the limited promises
Tand taken at face value by a mystified "soft left" could quickly vanish into thin