Sloan' s
Square
Second time around 'History", said Henry Ford, is Just one damn thing after another. He was wrong, of course: some damn things just never go away.
Just as the more adventurous bourgeois ideologists such as Fukayama had begun their efforts to persuade us that history is at an end, and that human progress had culminated triumphantly in the Thaichcr/Reagan cra, along came the upheavals in Eastern Europe.
Long-forgotten territorial disputes and national questions that seemed buried for ever under decades of invasions, wars, stalinist domination and tank tracks, are bubbling hack up to
Best-forgotten and hopelessly oppressive religious superstitions and traditions are crupting from apparently secularised societies, as a reaction to ycars of 'official marxism', just like zits on the face after a fatty diet.
Vaguely-remembered monarchies are resurrected, and longlost royals hauled hack from oblivion in the lounge bars and country retreats of Europe, while ageing veterans of pre and postwar bourgcois and peasant parties squabble over who can use the words 'new! and 'Democrat' most often in their new labeis -rivalling the Monty Python "spam" menu.
Now is the time to dust off your history books, and brace yourself for an ironic replay of some of the sclected low-lights of the past. If the capitalists get their way and install new bourgoois governments, we can ex pect to roll once more through a process of crisis and decay of what were almost uniformly reacBonary and increasingly dictatorial regimes.
"Where's Hitler?, you may well ask. He couldn't make it, but has sent
Kurt Waldheim to deputise: appropriately.
Newsweek magazine reports a new surge of enthusiasm in Austria for the old Austro Hunganan empire.
Now who was that who said 'the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce?
Roll out the barrel!
As this magazine goes to press there are still as many theories about the alleged Iragi
"supergun" as there are journalists to write and pages to fill.
Only Socialist Outlook can reveal the truth: the key death in the whole riddle was not that of barmy ballistics expert Gerald
Bull, but of wacko ex Trotskyist
Gerry Healy.
Fed up with Sky TV's lack of live executions and its excess of
Derek Jumeson, Saddam Hussei decided to launch his own TV sattelite channcl, beaming
Ba'athist propaganda back at the
Brits. He looked to Healy, whose daily Newsline paper had impressed him with its servility in the 1970s (the Iraqi regime had been one of its few readers), and who still boasted a loyal follow.
ing in Equity, to play the anchor man" role as Baghdad's answer to Frank Bough.
Healy was keen, but
Hussein's agents screwed up.
leaving the Cat sectarian mysteriously and suddenly.
crushed to death under suitcases full of hard cash, and the scheme began to unravel.
The saltelite plan was scrapped, and the pipeline con versed into a huge target set: any day now another hapless lorry driver will be caught driving in the three gigantic rubber suction tips to go on the end of
COMMENTARY
ISLA
ARTH
AY
FARTH
THIER =
Hussein's darts.
Meanwhile, not to be outdone. Libya's Gaddafi has caused havoc in his country's underwear industry by commandecring the entire stock of elastic to build the world's biggest catapult.
Bare bones of a policy
*But when she got there
The cupboard was bare,
And so the poor doggy got none?
The dog died of neglect years ago, but Old Mother ('Sister")
Hubbard, one of the first-ever new realists, is now heading
Labour's Icam formulating policy for the next cicelion.
It is on her orders that the
Party's stall of vote-winning goodies has been stripped to the bone and beyond, leaving front men like John Smith flogging the most unappetising load of leftovers.
Hubbard has analysed the various phases of British politics, and deduced that the "now times"
call for a Iresh approach. In the early yoars of bourgeois democracy, there were rampant scandals over 'rollen boroughs', bribery and the buying of votes.
These techniques have had a new facelift under Thatcher who has perfected the idea of bribing voters usmg our assets and cash seized from the poor.
After the masses won the vote, there came the heyday of party promises, with cach politician vying with the others to win votes through extravagant pre-election promises - few of which were carried out. As recently as Harold Wilson Labour leaders still believed in trying to attract votes by dressing up their programme to look at-
"New times" mean all this must stop, says Ms Hubbard: Labour under Kinnock will adopt a more sophisticated approach - offering nothing, promising to change almost noth ing. and promising no bencfits to anyone. Far from buying - or even secking - votes, the Labour strategy is to put forward a programme so unappealing it defies workers to support Kinnok in an orgy of masochism.
No longer does Labour promise to bring home the bacon; and pie in the sky, the traditional reformist fancies, and even crumbs of comfort have been crossed off the menu.
But for Lahour Icaders toadying round business chiefs, the new slim line menu works very well.
John Smith's policy may sound like a dog's dinner to socialists, but his promise to be frugal on our behalf if he ever gets elected goes down a treat at lunches with bankers and industrialists - especially when washed down with a little Moet & Chandon.
Let that he a comfort to you as you struggle to pay your Sainsbury's bill!
By Harry Sloan
INTERNATIONAL YOUTH SUMMER CAMP
This year sees the seventh International Youth summer camp of the Fourth International. It will be a week of sun, fun and political discussion. There will be a women only space and a Lesbian and
Gay only space. The theme of this year's camp will be Europe - East and West.
Speakers include; Ernest Mandel, a Young Sandinista, and an Fl supporter from South Africa.
The cost for the whole week inclusive of food and travel will be £120 and there will be a possibility of the cost dropping even further! If you are interested, please write to:
International youth summer camp PO Box 1109, London N4 2UU
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There will also be a delegation from Eastern Europe.
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